2020: lost and found
yes, this year was tough, and yes, i have a very privileged perspective, but i do believe that in between those hard moments there was immense growth. if we were never challenged we would never have the opportunity to grow. because the truth is, that often it’s not the darkness that makes us strong, it’s that it requires us to prove just how strong we were all along.
how to cope: seasonal affective disorder
i struggled with seasonal affective disorder long before i knew it had a name. i just thought that my regular depression got upgraded to a festive version in the winter. i could tell that things felt harder in the winter months; they took more energy, it was harder to just be. this was most notably challenging when i was postpartum with my little man. some days it truly felt like the sun may never shine again.
FAlling in love with my son
laying in a hospital bed, holding baby yogi as he was hooked up to too many machines and wearing a far too big for him purple hospital gown, my eyes were full of tears but my heart was bursting with love. i would do anything for him. laying in that hospital bed i knew i was holding a piece of me that i would love all the days of my life.
the mom i am today
i really liked this idea; a way to document my motherhood journey. it may also be helpful to be able to look back and see how i've grown. so much focus is on the milestones your little one makes. which, don't get me wrong, are super exciting and just too adorable not to share. but let's not forget the milestones that we reach in our journey into motherhood; because we too are growing right along with our littles.
welcome baby boy bica
it's been awhile since we last spoke and much has happened. most notably i grew and birthed a human who is now 11 weeks old. his name is connor joseph bica (to be known henceforth on this blog as yogi) and he's pretty much the cutest baby in the world. but this post isn't really about him. he will be the star of many (or few based on my current track record) posts to come; but this is my story, a (mostly) unfiltered birth story, about how he entered the world.
there is no shame in taking medication
our lives are made up of chapters, sections, tales and passages that when pieced together write the story that is uniquely our own. some chapters end, and we gladly close them up and turn the page. others become such a part of our story that they are woven into every sentence and paragraph that follows. it shifts our story; even in the slightest of ways. one thing is certain, we are never the same as before that chapter unfolded.
Honorary gilmore girl
it's crazy how you can long to be in a place that you've never been. a place that only exists though a screen; though in my heart it's absolutely real. that's what stars hallow is to me. a small town filled with colorful characters. where everyone frequents the same coffee shop. it's quirky but so relatable; makes me feel nostalgia for a place unseen and people never i've never met.
in a word: embrace
it took me a couple weeks into the new year to settle on a word. my mind likes to tell me there is only one right choice/response/answer/decision. the prospect of picking the wrong one is enough to paralyze me. stop me in my tracks. it invites anxiousness into the party and now it feels all consuming. it can happen to any and all choices, no matter their significance.
courage to continue
my fancy new online home hasn't even celebrated 3 months yet and i already feel like i've failed. it still has that new website glow and i've thought about giving up. i poured my heart, soul and all my passion into this project and often i forget why. building it was full of excitement, nerves, and so many possibilities. i couldn't wait for it to launch, to share it with the world. launching felt like all kinds of accomplishment; a total #girlboss moment pressing publish. 'work on blog content' continued to be that one item on your to-do list that keeps getting bumped to the next day.
introducing emma bica
welcome! i've been staring at the dreaded blinking cursor for weeks now; trying to formulate my thoughts, feelings and emotions into words. it would obviously have to be perfect and nothing less than. until i remembered why i started this in the first place. and i started to listen to my intuition and following my heart. so here we are, my first post, all i ask is for a little grace as i immerse myself back into this world that i took a break from for quite some time. and if you give me grace, i'll give myself grace and we can begin the workings of a beautiful friendship.
the story of my #realbloggerbeauty
when i read Maya of Charmingly Styled post on #realbloggerbeauty, i instantly knew it was something i wanted to be part of. i have been in the blogging world for over four years and it is an incredible community to be part of. through blogging i have met people from all over that i otherwise would have never known. and they are truly lovely people who have real stories, real issues, real talent, real passion and real insecurities. and most of the time are really down to earth. but it's not all rainbows and sunshine. most of the bloggers i read and interact with are women. and ladies, we can be downright nasty to each other. and with all the social outlets we now have a growing list of places to compare ourselves to each other. blog envy is a real thing.
9 tips to say yes to the dress
happy wedding wednesday, lovely people! i first have to state for documentation purposes that the windchill here in minnesota is currently -31 degrees. yes, 31 degrees, below zero. i digress... today we're talking about saying yes to the dress. ask just about any girl what things she is most excited to do once she gets engaged and she will say shopping for 'the dress' and if she doesn't she's lying. probably. i couldn't wait to go try on dresses however, i was super overwhelmed and growing increasingly nervous that my incessant need for perfection would cloud the joy of what should be a wonderful experience. so many styles, so many fits, so many fabrics and so many dollar signs. good news though, i made it through and have said yes to my dress! i am grateful to have had the BEST experience i could have dreamed of - one that felt straight out of a fairy tale.
there’s no place like home
i grew up in albert lea, mn. in the same town, on the same street, in the same house, and the same room. still, when i go home to visit, it's all still the same. i have really appreciated this consistency, especially during the many, many changes i have gone through in the past couple of months. no matter where i go, i know that i can always come home. i know the house will always be picked up and clean, and will smell of candles. i know the grass will be freshly cut and the bushes will be trimmed to perfection. i know my bed will be made, and my room will be clean. i know that the fridge will be full and the diet coke and alcoholic beverages will be plentiful. most importantly, i know that i will be greeted with love by my family.
hi! i'm emma.
i believe we all have a story worth sharing. that the best version of ourselves is authentic and unfiltered. who you are matters. there are few things in life not made better by coffee or wine. you are not alone. you are enough.